Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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