she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
