Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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