bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
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She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
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After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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