My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
