That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
