This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
