Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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