I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
