I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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