I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
