The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
