You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
false alarm, still single
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
