I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
