i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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