you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
