You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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