In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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