Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
