You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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