My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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