not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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