I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize