Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
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He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i drank out of a bidet.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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