At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
