fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
