There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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