There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Randomize
