I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
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