Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
