she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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