My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
