yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
