my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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