Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
