I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
