haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
