All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
