sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
