Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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