I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
