I wanna bring you to show and tell
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
