Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
