He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
