why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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