end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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