Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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