I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
