Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
