well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
