oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
