well I can't set my house on fire every night
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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