he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
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he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
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Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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