apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
