Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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