Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The air was thick with penises
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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