Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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