They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
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He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
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Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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