i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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