your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
