I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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